I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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