I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
