i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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