If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
