I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize