You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
