did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
