I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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