Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
