no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
