remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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