he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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