12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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