Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
