I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
