i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
time to smoke my breakfast
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
