Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
