when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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