We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
