the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
