Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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