ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
