Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
