There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
