Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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