I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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