last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
