Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
