first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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