my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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