He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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