The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
