mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had sex on a roof
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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