yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
