did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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