As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
