I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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