I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
