I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
