Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
