Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
