what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
