I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
