i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize