Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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