I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
