your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
