the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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