How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
