Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
