He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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