Redeem this text for a blowjob
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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