My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
