i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
