we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
