I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
