Fuck appropriateness.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
