She is in my trunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
