I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
