I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize