she was so not down for the gang bang
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Come on in and take your pants off
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