i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
