homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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