Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
