Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
