definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
