I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
