Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
