Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
