Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
