writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize