Just fell off a train. Bad.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
